There is a lot going on in the world right now. The genocide in Palestine. The war in the Ukraine. Donald Trump’s 34 criminal convictions (Yaaaay). So, what’s up with me?

In the previous post I shared my difficulties with obtaining my passport. I have finally managed to locate my birth certificate and renew my driver’s license. I hope that will be the last of the issues.

In other news, my sleep schedule has been a mess. I end up staying awake all night until the sun rises. I feel exhausted but I can’t fall asleep. Even when I do sleep, it’s not restful. I don’t want to use any sleep aid as they make me feel drowsy when I am not sleeping. I think my depression and anxiety have increased and that is affecting me. I don’t know what is bothering me, I just know that my mental illness is the issue right now. I am confident I will overcome it and I am safe. If things get worse, I will look for help.

Before I go to New York, I have many things to do. I need to sell some stuff to get the money I need. I have a lot to sort out and decide what I need. Karen made a Go Fund Me for me, so that helps. I appreciate everyone who has donated, it means a lot to me. I have to determine what I need to bring with me. That’s not a hard problem, but it still needs to be done. I want to travel light, so I can buy souvenirs and such. This is probably the last big trip I will ever make, so I want to enjoy it.

I am grateful for my friends. They have supported me and assisted me in this journey of life. Some of these friends I don’t meet or haven’t met in a while. Some of them I do meet sometimes, and I value every time. Some of them are nearby and I meet them often. It’s good to have that. I am a fortunate guy.

I have a positive outlook on my future, and I will leave this world with fond memories. I don’t know when I will die, but it crosses my mind. The average survival time is 5 years. I hope to surpass that. But even if it’s shorter, I have accepted it. Before I learned about my condition, I was very anxious about death. It would trouble me. I was afraid. But after the diagnosis, I realized that I am fine with it and that I don’t dwell on it as much. My view is that it will be very peaceful. I don’t have any religious beliefs. I have what you might call trust in energy. The law of conservation of energy says that energy cannot be made or destroyed – only changed from one type of energy to another. Even if I stop existing, I think that is the most peaceful state.

I hope that people will think of me kindly, despite the rough path I have followed. I will not be free of regrets, but that’s alright, as I think everyone has some. All the errors I have committed have educated me and have shaped the person I am today. I have many flaws, but I am a good person deep down. I will depart from this world with that knowledge. 

This post is just a reflection of my current life and my thoughts, it’s the late hours of the night and I can’t stop thinking. It’s 4:45am and I am starting to feel sleepy, so I will go to bed soon.

Thank you reading this babble and till the next time remember; “Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.” – George Carlin