I’m struggling to come up with ideas for what to write. Should I focus on current events, even though they confuse me, or should I turn inward and write about my mental health? Maybe the two are connected in some way. I think I’ll start with my mental health.

First and foremost, I want to assure everyone that I’m safe. There’s no need to worry. However, I’ve recently fallen into a deep depression. I’m not sure why this is happening or if there’s a specific reason. I recently had an oncology appointment, and the good news is that my cancer is currently stable. I’m looking forward to an upcoming trip to New York with my son and his partner, and I’m fortunate to have the best friends and incredible support from my wife and others.

So, why do I feel so awful? There’s a persistent darkness inside me that I can’t shake. People suggest going for walks, but when I do, my thoughts spiral out of control and my mood worsens. Exercise is supposed to help with depression, but it’s incredibly difficult to find the motivation. Sometimes, even getting out of bed and showering feels overwhelming, and I’m constantly tired. I’m taking a significant amount of medication for my mental health, and I honestly wish I could reduce it.

I could talk to my friends, but I don’t want to burden them or risk changing their perception of me. I feel like I must face this alone. If I can’t understand what I’m going through, no one else can. I know this depression will lift eventually, as it always does, but for now, I guess I have to endure it.

I tend to worry about things beyond my control, like when my cancer does progress, how painful will it be? What death actually feels like? What about my trip to New York Comic Con. Will we be able get tickets? Do my friends find that I am too much or annoying. I worry about the future and I can’t do anything about those things. I will move on.

The world feels incredibly frustrating right now. It seems like there’s no middle ground anymore. If you’re conservative, you’re automatically labeled a racist, sexist, and homophobe. If you’re liberal, you’re dismissed as a snowflake, overly woke, and constantly outraged. While I don’t identify as conservative, my views generally lean left of center, maybe even mid-left. But everything has become so extreme lately. I’m sure there are others who share my moderate perspective, but we certainly don’t feel like the majority.

Both sides are very sensitive and get offended easily. They try to remove or ignore anything that upsets them. They want you to agree with their views only. We live in a society that sees no shades of gray. I find this hard to write because I usually lean left.

In the U.S. we have the Republican party that just seems completely insane. They follow a megalomaniac a convicted felon that’s blatantly lies about everything. He can in one sentence say one thing and then deny he even said it. The most troubling thing is that people trust him. If the evidence is solid, they call it fake news. The Conservative News Networks (and that is a generous term), appear to shield Stumpy from any accountability. Claiming that he is the victim of partisan attacks. Facing injustice and a rigged system in a large plot against him. The GOP is constantly spreading falsehoods to gain supporters, making them believe that the other party is doing something wrong. This is totally irrational and yet it is effective. People who back the Republican Party either lack good judgment or have some personal interest in them.

At this moment, I think the democrats seem to being a good job.  The far left that’s a different story. They want to erase history that they find offensive. Conflict and unrest have filled human history. Wars have been waged over territory or ideology. Eliminating those things does not teach us anything, or help our future children understand the challenges those humans faced. Why is it when you don’t like something that a far-left person has done, either politically or creatively you are a racist, homophobe or a misogynist. I know there are those people out there, but it all depends on context. If a politician was to raise a NAZI flag, I would deem that unacceptable and their should be consequences. However, if someone makes a tv show that is genuinely bad, you can’t blame that on racism, homophobia or sexism, it simply just a bad show. I am sure there are people reading this know what I am talking about.

I haven’t mentioned our government yet. Our federal government has some questions to answer. Are they corrupt? I don’t know for sure. Does our current federal government need to change. Yes, somewhat, but not in the way you might imagine. We need new leadership. We need someone other than Trudeau. I have nothing against him personally, but people have lost confidence in his ability to lead our country.  Pierre Poilievre is not my choice. I will never support his views on women’s reproductive rights, his religious views and corporate bias and giving the wealthy the best tax breaks. There is also the NDP, but I can’t envision them running the country, even though they may deserve it.

At the provincial level, we have the UCP governing that is not helping the people. Our healthcare is suffering as doctors are moving out of our province, and it is very hard to find a doctor in smaller towns.  The UCP proposes to take over our federal CPP, which I doubt will be successful. They have been reducing the budget for Education while replacing the curriculum that was created by experts for an inferior one that has been widely condemned by educators. They have also reduced funding for tech, leading to some of the tech companies that create jobs and revenue for the province to move out of Alberta. They plan to replace the RCMP with their own provincial police force. Again, this is something we should not have allowed. The oilfield workers believe that the Conservatives will protect their jobs. But all they have done is give our oil to U.S. corporations and then buy it back from them.

My life needs balance between light and shadow. My cancer remains stable, and an upcoming trip to New York awaits—a beacon of hope. Yet, there’s a persistent darkness within. I take my medication, hoping for footing. But sometimes, even getting out of bed feels like scaling a mountain.

The world, too, is in turmoil. Extreme labels fly—conservative, liberal. Where’s the middle ground? I lean left, seeking nuance. Perhaps, together, we’ll find understanding—a place where shadows fade, and empathy can bloom.

I know that was a bit of a ramble, but sometimes thoughts just spill out! Inspiration has struck for my next blog post, so stay tuned. Until then, I’ll leave you with this… “Mental health is like a unicorn – everyone says it’s important, but no one really knows where to find it.”